Spring Fever

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Tomorrow is the first of march, and even though the temperature still regularly drops below zero and the ground is covered with grey-ish slush, i am so excited for the beginning of spring. Here’s a couple of things i am specially looking forward these coming three months:

◊Being able to feel the sun warm

◊Changing my heavy winter boots for light sneakers

◊Outdoors coffee dates with friends

◊Apropriate tempratures for ice-cram eating

◊Seing the blueness of the ocean after months and months of white ice

◊Reading outside all cuddled up in a blanket with tea

◊Lighter mornings and lighter evenings. And juts light in general

◊Lunch outside and the fresh air it brings into my way to long school days

◊Celebrating graduating with all my friends and too much alcohol

◊Graduating (even thought i technically graduate in the summer)

◊The first swim in the ocean

◊And at least a hundred other things.

This winter has been gray and dark and long. And a bit lonely. I am ready for new times and new adventures.

give me some time

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I went to London last week, and it was beautiful and i was confused and lost and at home at the same time. Everything needs thinking through, everything needs time. But right now i have non. I want tea and plankets and good books. I want me time. I want time.

I’ll just push through like i always do, but all this pushing makes me think i might need a proper break.

Right Now

These last days have been strange. I’ve been moody; happy one second, restless and annoyed the next. It is as if i am trying to stand in the way of my own happiness, as if my body is trying to destroy all prospects of  me succeeding with the plans i have in my head. Time is limited and i just really can’t have this right now, so i am trying to be positive. Therefore, here is a couple of good things that has happened the last couple of days:

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◊Taking my IELTS test on Saturday and feeling like i did ok

◊People watching from a window seat in one of my favorite cafes, constantly wondering what people are up to and whether they are happy or not.

◊Watching Gone Girl with my best friend and my sister. Amazing film, but i lost faith in humanity for the rest of the night.

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◊Skyping and planning big, amazing stuff for the summer

◊Going to bed with slightly wet hair and newly washed linens

◊Seeing the sun color the skies dark pink as i sip my coffee in the morning

January

A whole month has passed in a heartbeat, but at the same time these dark, cold days have felt like a year each. Especially the last week, the week that just passed, dragged on seemingly forever, my body refusing to cooperate, my brain confused and constantly wandering. So to escape, i have gone back to those four weeks in the summer when everything made sense and nothing was forced and life just felt effortless.

Amsterdam collage #2Amsterdam collage #1IMG_2557 - versjon 2 Amsterdam was more beautiful than i ever imagined it to be. So bright and buzzing with life, but still so calm and soothing.

And  now i spend my days day-dreaming of cycling through the narrow streets of Amsterdam, instead of battling my way through constant snow drift, sitting by the canals writing in my journal, instead of falling asleep on my history book.

2014

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I wrote this sometime after midnight on the 29 of december, desperately trying to find out what the year that was about to pass had been all about. 

This year is almost over. It is time to, yet again, dress up, drink bubbly and make whishes for the next year. The slightly unsettling part is that i feel like most of my dreams, hopes and wishes for 2015 are the same as those i had for 2014, and what does that say about the year that is just about to pass? What have i really done with these soon-to-be 365 days?

I began last year hopeful, as always, that this would be the year that would bring changes. At the same time i was quite happy with my selves, because things where actually different to what  they had been a year earlier. I had managed to turn things around, i had managed to dig my self out of the black hole – still today, this is what i consider my biggest achievement in life. The fact that i know the other option could have ended, would most likely have ended, in such a devastating way, made me proud of what i had done, who i had become. But that was last year, this year is 2014. What did i do whit this year?

It is times like these i realize i should write way more, because most things are blurry. I can’t remember what i thought or felt almost a year ago. I can’t remember what state i was in. I think i was happy, or something close to that. I think i was satisfied in a way, but still working to make out where i wanted to be. Still working to get to know my ground.

Spring and summer came, and my life mostly evolved around school, like it does most of the time. And like most of the time, i question if this is right, if it really matters that much, how much of my life would be different if i did not care? But that’s a whole other topic. Besides school there where BBQs and friends and swimming in the ocean. Yet again i was reminded why summer is my al-time favorite season.

Then i went on my four week long interrail trip. I felt freer than i have ever done before, and i got to know myself even better – both the good and the bad parts. I realized that i had kept some people too close for too long, and i reprioritized . Maybe a tad too much, seen from today’s perspective. Non the less, life changed again mostly because i changed.

And then fall came and school hit like it had never done before and everything got windy but i managed to stay. December went by way too fast, too rushed, too hushed.

For the first time in a long time it feels like people are pulling back. And for the first time, maybe ever, i realize why. Kind of. I realize that i am demanding and challenging and that not all of my darker sides can be blamed on others. I realize that my train-trip maybe got a little tuned by myself too, to a larger degree than i was willing to admit before. And i realize that i might, to some degree push people away because I’m not good with the same people all the time, for a long time. So i push them away before they get the opportunity to push me away. And, more than anything, i realize that i don’t know. There is so insanely much that i don’t know. And that, that realization, hurts and scares me more than anything else ever have i think.

I don’t know

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There’s a lump in my throat, a little monster that lives in the back of my head, a constant ace in my tummy. The questions hit me like buckshots, each tearing a small rip in my shield. A shield i want to write “i don’t know” all over – the same words i would like to scream at the top of my voice, until my lungs can’t handle it anymore. Because it’s the truth. I have now idea.  I have hundreds of thoughts of course, thoughts that never leave me alone , but i have no actually clue to what i want to do.

For the first time in my life i have an actual choice. For the first time in my life there is nothing already planned for me. I’m so astonished by this freedom, and at the same time so insanely scared i will accidentally end up robbing myself of it. 

A List for Christmas – Food Edition

I read too many blogs. Too many food blogs, too many lifestyle blogs, too many photography blogs, too many i-am-all-over-the-place blogs. But i just have to. There are so many good blogs. And as i read these blogs i come across so much amazing stuff that i just have to share.

This time, since it december and the holidays are almost here, i’m going to share some amazing food related blogposts. So here is a list i guarantee will make your mouth water, and it might just also give you a few ideas for a homemade, edible christmas gift you can give to a loved one. We all know those are the best gifts.

 

 

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Hazelnut Apple Chocolate Buns. These are the only ones in this list i’ve actually tried.  They are amazing, just absolutely amazing. So is basically everything else on this vegetarian food blog, you should go check it out right now.

 

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Chocolate Peanut Butter Breakfast MousseChocolate mousse is my all time favorite dessert. Chocolate mousse that qualifies as breakfast? Yes pleas!

 

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Christmas Nougat. Nougat is also a favorite of mine, and this christmas edition just looks amazing.

 

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Chocolate Spoons.This is seriously the most genius thing i’ve seen in a while. The perfect gift for hot cocoa lovers!

 

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Four hot drinks for the holidays. If hot chocolate isn’t your thing, or you just wan to mix things up a little, here is four hot, cozy and fairly simple drinks you can try for the holidays. I want to try them all, i just have to do a little spice shopping first.

 

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(Vegan) Pumpkin Pie in a Mug. I have a confession to make, i have never tasted pumking pie! I know, i know, it’s bad. After discovering this recipe  i really have no excuse anymore, it just seems perfect.I absolutely love that it is a mug edition, that way i’m not risking ending up eating a whole pie by myself…

 

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Salted Cranberry, Pistachio & Pecan Chocolate Bark. This thing has everything i love smashed together in an incredibly elegant way. I also know for sure that my father would love this, so I’m giving it to him as a part of his christmas present.