This summer has been beautiful – July the prettiest i’ve ever had. Even though the weather has been crappy, everything else has been so good. There has been traveling and friends and food. But suddenly it’s all coming to an end, not just the summer but this part of life.
We’re all leaving now. One after another. It’s such a weird feeling, watching this life fall apart, knowing it will never be the same. Scattered across the country, across the world, we will all try to keep in touch – but we all know that in reality, it is not that easy.
Maybe we will all move back one day, to this city surrounded by ocean and forest, maybe non of us will. But if we do, maybe we will meet up again and talk about the old days, the old people, the old life.
I think we’re all just trying focus on these next steps – desperately trying to figure it all out. But it all hit so suddenly after summer, and i don’t want to think about the fact that we in less than 3 weeks will be living in two different countries, and i really don’t want to think about the fact that there will be at least four years until the sea doesn’t separate us anymore. To be honest i don’t care that much about many of the others, but i desperately need to keep you.
In the comfort you created i found a little bit more of myself.
Our first full day in London was a Sunday, and when you happen to be in east London on a kind-of-sunny Sunday you of course have to wander trough Columbia Flower Market. Personally i can’t think of a better way to start of an amazing time in London.
As i am desperately trying to wrap my head around everything i take long walks along the shore. As my head works a million thoughts at once, i try to breath to the rhythm of waves hitting land. As pros and cons are weighted and listed and put up against each other, i wonder what the color of the ocean will be like there.
Theres is a choice that needs to be made, and the fact that i have a choice is pure luxury, but right now everything is a little bit too much. If someone could please tell me what to do and why, and make everything understandable that would be very much appreciated.
But i know, even though i don’t like to admit it, that i am the one that needs to make the decision. It is all on me. It is my life, my future.
This weekend was great. It was sunny and warm for being the middle of march. Instead of staying inside catching up on school work which was the initial plan, i said “screw that” and spent the weekend outside taking long walks with friends instead.
We talked about nothing an everything, about the really big stuff that within seconds cause a big lump in my troth, and the little stuff that makes me giggle like a six-year-old. We discussed the weekend’s parties, who hooked up with who, and who ended up puking whilst just slightly missing the toilet. And whilst taking about boys and girls and moms and teachers and the stranger in front of us, i decided that we are all awesome messes in our own very special ways.
I baked and eat banana bread, had my first coffee outside, freaked out because i think i might want to study psychology but all i have applied to is international relations, protested the second-day-in-a-row serving of red meat by making falafels for the first time, finished The House of the Spirits and decided i have to travel to south-america like right now.
(And yes i stole (but credited, that’s important) all the pictures for this post because i’m too lazy to take any, and too buzzy doing all the schools stuff i should have done this weekend to edit old ones)
Tomorrow is the first of march, and even though the temperature still regularly drops below zero and the ground is covered with grey-ish slush, i am so excited for the beginning of spring. Here’s a couple of things i am specially looking forward these coming three months:
◊Being able to feel the sun warm
◊Changing my heavy winter boots for light sneakers
◊Outdoors coffee dates with friends
◊Apropriate tempratures for ice-cram eating
◊Seing the blueness of the ocean after months and months of white ice
◊Reading outside all cuddled up in a blanket with tea
◊Lighter mornings and lighter evenings. And juts light in general
◊Lunch outside and the fresh air it brings into my way to long school days
◊Celebrating graduating with all my friends and too much alcohol
◊Graduating (even thought i technically graduate in the summer)
◊The first swim in the ocean
◊And at least a hundred other things.
This winter has been gray and dark and long. And a bit lonely. I am ready for new times and new adventures.
I went to London last week, and it was beautiful and i was confused and lost and at home at the same time. Everything needs thinking through, everything needs time. But right now i have non. I want tea and plankets and good books. I want me time. I want time.
I’ll just push through like i always do, but all this pushing makes me think i might need a proper break.
These last days have been strange. I’ve been moody; happy one second, restless and annoyed the next. It is as if i am trying to stand in the way of my own happiness, as if my body is trying to destroy all prospects of me succeeding with the plans i have in my head. Time is limited and i just really can’t have this right now, so i am trying to be positive. Therefore, here is a couple of good things that has happened the last couple of days:
◊Taking my IELTS test on Saturday and feeling like i did ok
◊People watching from a window seat in one of my favorite cafes, constantly wondering what people are up to and whether they are happy or not.
◊Watching Gone Girl with my best friend and my sister. Amazing film, but i lost faith in humanity for the rest of the night.
◊Skyping and planning big, amazing stuff for the summer
◊Going to bed with slightly wet hair and newly washed linens
◊Seeing the sun color the skies dark pink as i sip my coffee in the morning