Our first full day in London was a Sunday, and when you happen to be in east London on a kind-of-sunny Sunday you of course have to wander trough Columbia Flower Market. Personally i can’t think of a better way to start of an amazing time in London.
As i am desperately trying to wrap my head around everything i take long walks along the shore. As my head works a million thoughts at once, i try to breath to the rhythm of waves hitting land. As pros and cons are weighted and listed and put up against each other, i wonder what the color of the ocean will be like there.
Theres is a choice that needs to be made, and the fact that i have a choice is pure luxury, but right now everything is a little bit too much. If someone could please tell me what to do and why, and make everything understandable that would be very much appreciated.
But i know, even though i don’t like to admit it, that i am the one that needs to make the decision. It is all on me. It is my life, my future.
This weekend was great. It was sunny and warm for being the middle of march. Instead of staying inside catching up on school work which was the initial plan, i said “screw that” and spent the weekend outside taking long walks with friends instead.
We talked about nothing an everything, about the really big stuff that within seconds cause a big lump in my troth, and the little stuff that makes me giggle like a six-year-old. We discussed the weekend’s parties, who hooked up with who, and who ended up puking whilst just slightly missing the toilet. And whilst taking about boys and girls and moms and teachers and the stranger in front of us, i decided that we are all awesome messes in our own very special ways.
I baked and eat banana bread, had my first coffee outside, freaked out because i think i might want to study psychology but all i have applied to is international relations, protested the second-day-in-a-row serving of red meat by making falafels for the first time, finished The House of the Spirits and decided i have to travel to south-america like right now.
(And yes i stole (but credited, that’s important) all the pictures for this post because i’m too lazy to take any, and too buzzy doing all the schools stuff i should have done this weekend to edit old ones)
Tomorrow is the first of march, and even though the temperature still regularly drops below zero and the ground is covered with grey-ish slush, i am so excited for the beginning of spring. Here’s a couple of things i am specially looking forward these coming three months:
◊Being able to feel the sun warm
◊Changing my heavy winter boots for light sneakers
◊Outdoors coffee dates with friends
◊Apropriate tempratures for ice-cram eating
◊Seing the blueness of the ocean after months and months of white ice
◊Reading outside all cuddled up in a blanket with tea
◊Lighter mornings and lighter evenings. And juts light in general
◊Lunch outside and the fresh air it brings into my way to long school days
◊Celebrating graduating with all my friends and too much alcohol
◊Graduating (even thought i technically graduate in the summer)
◊The first swim in the ocean
◊And at least a hundred other things.
This winter has been gray and dark and long. And a bit lonely. I am ready for new times and new adventures.
I went to London last week, and it was beautiful and i was confused and lost and at home at the same time. Everything needs thinking through, everything needs time. But right now i have non. I want tea and plankets and good books. I want me time. I want time.
I’ll just push through like i always do, but all this pushing makes me think i might need a proper break.
These last days have been strange. I’ve been moody; happy one second, restless and annoyed the next. It is as if i am trying to stand in the way of my own happiness, as if my body is trying to destroy all prospects of me succeeding with the plans i have in my head. Time is limited and i just really can’t have this right now, so i am trying to be positive. Therefore, here is a couple of good things that has happened the last couple of days:
◊Taking my IELTS test on Saturday and feeling like i did ok
◊People watching from a window seat in one of my favorite cafes, constantly wondering what people are up to and whether they are happy or not.
◊Watching Gone Girl with my best friend and my sister. Amazing film, but i lost faith in humanity for the rest of the night.
◊Skyping and planning big, amazing stuff for the summer
◊Going to bed with slightly wet hair and newly washed linens
◊Seeing the sun color the skies dark pink as i sip my coffee in the morning
A whole month has passed in a heartbeat, but at the same time these dark, cold days have felt like a year each. Especially the last week, the week that just passed, dragged on seemingly forever, my body refusing to cooperate, my brain confused and constantly wandering. So to escape, i have gone back to those four weeks in the summer when everything made sense and nothing was forced and life just felt effortless.
And now i spend my days day-dreaming of cycling through the narrow streets of Amsterdam, instead of battling my way through constant snow drift, sitting by the canals writing in my journal, instead of falling asleep on my history book.